The Weekly Well Vol. 2
It occurred to me the other day that what I had been regarding as being “straight forward,” or outspoken, only applied in one area of my life. Over the last few months I’ve been challenged to sort of, step up, create boundaries and speak my mind in ways that I didn’t realize I found challenging, until I had to do it. When it comes to telling people how I feel in relationships or in terms of personal feeling, I’ve never had a problem. I always say what I mean. “I’m hurting,” “I’m nervous,” “I think you're fucking great.” And then some. Yet, when it comes to dealing with authority, positions of power, or managing people, I air on the side of say only so much as necessary to move things along yet not as to create any friction. Keep everyone comfortable and happy. Keep everyone liking you. I cringe typing that.
As a result, I’ve had people take advantage of my kindness or trust in them to either get the job done, do what they say they’re going to do, or respect my boundaries. See, if there’s one thing that I believe in as much as I believe that the sky will be blue tomorrow, it’s that one of the greatest qualities a person can have is the ability to take accountability for their actions and to be self aware. A self aware person, with accountability very rarely needs to place blame, create excuses, or stay on the hamster wheel of “lessons never learned.” When you own it, you cop to it. You learn then you move forward. You do better next time. Or at the very least, you try to.
So, this week. I was backed into corners, where often the only option for me to “reclaim” my power felt like one that made me feel, bitchy. OR. Aggressive. I’ve always said, “I’m nice until I’m not nice….” and now I’ve realized, that phrase only exists because along the way, I don’t always express where I’m irritated; the late deadline delivery, the pushiness from a landlord, the words unkept. I brush it off. To stay cool. To “not make it a big deal, if it doesn’t need to be a big deal.” But what happens then is nothing changes on the receiving end. The same things keep occurring then the “not nice,” response happens.
As women, especially, we have to learn to take and accept certain boundaries, expectations and positions of power or authority. We are allowed to manage with kindness, while also being stern. It is okay, I REPEAT, it is OKAY if you aren’t always “nice.” The lesson this week was own your power, claim it, take up space in the room and don’t apologize for it. When someone makes a promise and breaks it, you’re in the right to let them know they did. Expressing disappointment means honoring your own feeling, without punishing yourself for feeling it.
In the meantime, that led me down a really interesting dive into the idea of authority, feminine strength and then some…. Your Weekly Well, my dears:
Women don’t like to see each other fail. Or if they do, why do they? I work with an incredible group of women who have proven such to me and have friends who I couldn’t be more proud of when they kick ass. Why do we perpetuate and love this story so much in entertainment/media; female characters in film pitted against each other, the catty click, the scheming antagonist, etc.? Thoughts?
To that idea, three out of four girls at age of twelve feel depressed, guilty or shameful. See the role media plays in a young woman’s development. This is awesome.
I’m becoming increasingly interested in the idea of urban farmers. Who needs a pool, when you can turn it into your own mini-farm?
A Night with Janis was INCREDIBLE. It brought me back to this video where she speaks on rejection. Fucking great.
I recently finished the book “The Dirty Life,” by Kristin Kimball. It’s phenomenal. So of course, I became obsessed with her….and so did NPR.
I could read this a thousand times and never stop loving it.
“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.”
7) St Vincent feels about babies, how i feel about babies.
8) I’ve almost never wanted anything as badly as I would like this sequined jumpsuit. And to be in this video. Feels very Feist-esque. Digging Gabrielle Aplin, a lot.
9) Boyfriend and I are thinking about trading in one of our cars for a Westfalia…. and a couple paddleboards. A commitment to spending the weekends outdoors, reconnecting and adventuring. This family is doing it. And these awesome people. And this family, that I adore.
This week I'll be working from Ventura where my family and I have gotten a beach house for the week. A lot paddle boarding and surfing has been going on and the more I fall in love with California, the more I adore surf culture and beach life. The coast is seeping into my bones….
In the meantime, there's a documentary I've decided to create....and starting this week, the research phase begins. I couldn't be more thrilled and anxious to begin.
What have you found that stirred your mind this week?
xx
Chels
